Sunday 1 June 2014

Wedding Bells

My sister is getting married later in the year. Mum is fixated on going, travelling across the world on a 20 hour flight to see this wedding. 

I believe she is in no fit state to do the trip. She has Alzheimer's and Parkinsons. 

Last time she flew that flight, she had full blown panic attacks, crying, screaming "get me off, get me off" etc. This was 4 years ago when she was a normal functioning working independent adult. Public transport was causing panic attacks, crowds and cars and confined spaces were causing panic attacks etc. Two years after that she was diagnosed with alzheimers, then a year later parkinsons. 

She can't even go into a cinema without having a panic attack. She gets agitated and confused easily, she gets quite aggressive towards dad (her carer). She is only 60, and she does deserve to go to her daughters wedding, but I can't see it working. She doesn't adjust well to anything that isn't her usual environment. 

I can't see it being anything but a train wreck. A very very expensive train wreck at that. After many hours of conversations, I think I have made a decision. If they (mum and dad) are going, I won't be going. As harsh as it is, I don't have the money, I never go on holidays overseas, and I can't justify spending that much money, money that I don't have, on a holiday that will be a complete train wreck. 

If mum and dad don't go, I will go into debt and put the holiday on my credit card, because I will enjoy the experience. I'll travel, on my own (can't afford to take my partner and children) and I will have fun, I will enjoy the wedding and the experience in general. I will support my sister and be there for her. But unfortunately, I can't go into debt, to endure the stress and have a hideously unpleasant experience that will be nothing but a nightmare experience to remember forever. 

I know that will hurt my sister, but it won't make the experience any better for having me there. It will be a disaster, with or without me spending money I don't have. 


No comments:

Post a Comment