Wednesday 15 February 2012

Oh the frustration!

It's so hard to keep positive. The euthenasia topic is eating away at me. Mum keeps bringing it up and mentioning it. But I know deep down that she doesn't have the will or the conviction to follow through. I know she believes strongly in not prolonging life when the quality of life has gotten bad, and I agree, totally, 100%.  I also know, that taking action is a whole different ball game than agreeing with the philosophy that putting people out of their misery at a certain point is a kinder way to go. She can't make a stand on simple issues for herself, how in the hell is she ever going to implement a euthenasia plan?

It's almost as though she thinks she can make a couple of phone calls, sign a piece of paper and get a pill to take that will allow her to not wake up in the morning. Obviously it's not that simple.  She is so compliant, she has been taking cholestorol medication. Honestly, if you don't want to prolong your life, you have to pro-actively make decisions to not medicate for things that don't immediately decrease the quality of your life. Dying from a heart attack is going to be a lot easier way out than trying to top yourself, that's for sure. The cholesterol doesn't give her pain or trouble today, so why medicate it?

Obviously, she is not committed to taking her life (and death) into her own hands, so why must she persist in talking about it, when it's just empty. So here I am left stewing over it night after night, when, she is probably incapable of taking the action that she "says" she wants to take. She puts the pressure on me and makes me feel like I should be able to do something to help her.